Lost In Time
At times you have to be vulnerable. I know that as women we think that shows a weakness. Vulnerability doesn't always have to be negative. It can lead to freedom if you release it in the right place. Today I reexperience what it feels like to grieve. There are so many things going on that have been triggers for me getting to this place. Yesterday one of my childhood classmates, someone I have known all my life died. I cried. I felt a pain in my heart that resembled a feeling I am all too familiar with. You see I have had my share of death and loss. When I was 9 years old my father was killed in the jail house. When I was 28 years old my 1st husband was murdered. I lost my Ma(Gma) when I was 16 years old. One of my best friends was murdered when I was 27 years old. In November 2018, my Grandaddy died. I have move forward and coped well for the most part. Today I realize that in my humanity, busyness has kept me moving forward. With the Corona virus and the change of life as we once knew it quickly dwindling away, most of the ways that I cope are not happening. Spending time with my family, my church family, my friends, my sisters, you all, those are some of the ways I have coped. Just to go out and eat a meal- that has been my happy place. Just to go to the beach without worry- that has been my serene place.
What has made these losses even more difficult for me is that in 2016 I lost my home due to the flood. We lost all of our pictures to include special memorabilia, things that cannot be replaced. Lost in time...